Why is sibling rivalry healthy

It leads to the question: Is a sibling rivalry really a bad thing? In , Eppie Lederer began writing an advice column under the pen name Ann Landers. The competing advice columns led to a feud between the twins until the gossip led them to seemingly reconcile. Other cases, like actors Julia and Eric Roberts or Ray and Dave Davies from the Kinks, are probably more representative of what a sibling rivalry can become. According to Dr. The good news for parents is the bickering and squabbling children do during a sibling rivalry is completely normal, according to Dr.

Adelayo said. If a parent feels like the rivalry is causing a lot of friction, it needs to be addressed. Adelayo says it is crucial the parent remains impartial and does not play favorites. They should also never join in on the competitive banter between the siblings.

Adults who were in a difficult sibling rivalry may remember their childhood was terrible because their sibling took the attention. In the long run, this can hamper the formation of relationships later in life, according to Dr.

As children develop, they may begin to express jealousy for their siblings to communicate their needs to you, according to Dr. As the attention shifts from the older to the younger child, a sibling rivalry can start to take shape. Make sure your toddler has ongoing activities outside the house— for example, consider starting them at playgroup or a similar activity. Involve your toddler before the birth; for example, talk about names for the baby, show them photographs of themselves as newborns and explain how the baby will need lots of help.

The jealous toddler Your toddler may resent the new baby for taking up so much of your time and for not being big enough to play with. Suggestions to prevent this include: Recognise that this is a difficult time for your child.

Be understanding, loving and nurturing. Remember that your child is acting out their feelings through their behaviour and needs your support.

Praise gentle behaviour between your child and baby, and other behaviour you want to encourage. Show your child how you would like them to behave. Be a role model. Accept that your toddler's behaviour may revert to baby behaviour for a while as they struggle with their new situation and the feelings that go with it.

Through this behaviour they may be trying to recreate the time when they were the only child and felt special. Promote the positives of no longer being the baby — such as being able to do things for themselves, make choices and do things the baby cannot.

Offer your child special rewards or outings, so they realise there are some advantages to being the oldest child. Sibling violence On rare occasions, sibling rivalry can become violent, with one child's physical behaviour harming the other on a regular basis.

Sibling rivalry — children fighting with their sisters or brothers , Parenting and Child Health, Government of South Australia. Give feedback about this page.

Was this page helpful? Yes No. View all babies and toddlers Related information. From other websites Australian Breastfeeding Association — Preparing your toddler for the new baby. Raising Children Network. Judy Dunn, professor of development psychology at the Institute of Psychiatry, said that although "it may not feel like it, sibling rivalry can be constructive, preparing them for important relationships when they are older".

But Dorothy Rowe, psychologist and author of My Dearest Enemy, My Dangerous Friend: Making and Breaking Sibling Bonds, believes that parents should intervene in disagreements to show siblings that there is a better way to deal with arguments. She says parents should avoid taking sides and remain calm. Don't put too much focus on figuring out which child is to blame. It takes two to fight — anyone who is involved is partly responsible. Next, try to set up a "win-win" situation so that each child gains something.

When they both want the same toy, perhaps there's a game they could play together instead. Page 3 Helping Kids Get Along Simple things you can do every day to prevent fighting include: Set ground rules for acceptable behavior. Tell the kids to keep their hands to themselves and that there's no cursing, no name-calling, no yelling, no door slamming.

Solicit their input on the rules — as well as the consequences when they break them. This teaches kids that they're responsible for their own actions, regardless of the situation or how provoked they felt, and discourages any attempts to negotiate regarding who was "right" or "wrong.

Be proactive in giving your kids one-on-one attention directed to their interests and needs. For example, if one likes to go outdoors, take a walk or go to the park. If another child likes to sit and read, make time for that too. Make sure kids have their own space and time to do their own thing — to play with toys by themselves, to play with friends without a sibling tagging along, or to enjoy activities without having to share Show and tell your kids that, for you, love is not something that comes with limits.

Let them know that they are safe, important, and loved, and that their needs will be met. Have fun together as a family. Whether you're watching a movie, throwing a ball, or playing a board game, you're establishing a peaceful way for your kids to spend time together and relate to each other. This can help ease tensions between them and also keeps you involved. Since parental attention is something many kids fight over, fun family activities can help reduce conflict.

If your children frequently squabble over the same things such as video games or dibs on the TV remote , post a schedule showing which child "owns" that item at what times during the week. But if they keep fighting about it, take the "prize" away altogether. If fights between your school-age kids are frequent, hold weekly family meetings in which you repeat the rules about fighting and review past successes in reducing conflicts.